25 Small Letters

Dear Migraine,


Dear Inventor of the Icy Hot Patch,

I want to do unspeakable things to you.

Dear Avett Brothers,

I want to marry you. If you’d forgive my obligations to the Icy Hot Inventor.

I never buy albums, but I’m glad I bought yours.

Dear Guy at the 7-11,

Thanks a whole ton for charging me a dollar six for a cup of ice.

Dear Starbucks Doubleshot,

You are the reason I wake up in the morning.

Dear Library Science Professor,

Please have pity on my poor grade and my only recently apparent lack of understanding of the material. I promise that once I get a real library job, I won’t attempt to do real research without assistance from an expert.

Dear 1000 Awesome Things,

I hope you know that your blog is the #1 Most Awesome Thing.

Dear Peachy Peach Pie,


You are one year old today. We are so proud of you! Except when you bite us. You should probably start growing out of that soon.

Dear Simmons College Administrators and Higher Ups,

Thank you for providing us students some useful accoutrement of learning, such as 400 free pages of printing each semester, copy machines that sometimes work, and food service stations that only charge you a quarter for a cup of ice.

However, I speak for the general student population when I request the following accomodations:

1) Said food service stations should have Saturday and Sunday hours. Much like the Graduate Student, Caffeine Addiction never takes a weekend off.

2) We students deserve access to staplers that are able fasten together more than 10 pages without the back page flying off and disappearing in our bookbags.

If you would like to use some of my tuition money for this purpose, I would readily encourage your endeavors. One credit hour should cover 75,000 cups of ice and 200 or so gold plated, high-efficiency staplers.

Dear Susan Warner,

Would it have killed you to stop writing after… oh… 400 pages?

Dear Paper,

I see you have not written yourself in the past few weeks. I hope you will cooperate now that I am giving you my undivided attention.

Dear NaNoWriMo Novel,

I’m not avoiding you because you suck… I just have other, graded things to worry about for the next few days.

Okay, maybe I’m avoiding you because you suck.


Dear Non-Required Reading,

I’m waiting for you. We will have six luscious, wonderful weeks together, soon. Your patience will soon be rewarded… assuming I can keep you from the clutches of the Boston Public Library for a few more weeks.

Dear Sisters,

What nonsense are we going to get into over Thanksgiving? Let’s make a Nonsense Plan.

Dear Carbon Monoxide Detector,

WTF?? We did not all die in our sleep, so it seems unlikely that there was ACTUALLY deadly, invisible gas in our apartment last night at FOUR IN THE MORNING. I hope you feel bad about freaking my boyfriend out. And after I woke up to the freezing cold after opening all of our windows, just in case? We are officially fighting.

Dear Only Other Two Girls On Campus This Early On A Sunday,

Did you really have to sit at the table next to me to talk about your Four Loko fueled evening? Out of all the tables in the entire school?? Good grief.

Dear Central Harmony,

I can’t believe you guys opened for The Blanks!

You guys are awesome, and I miss you all.

Dear Roommate,

You are cool. Thank you for bringing me all the things I forget!

Also, you should probably know that when you are not around Lance and I spend a lot of time scheming ways to scare the crap out of you.


Dear Boyfriend,

Thank you for going out to get takeout so I didn’t have to cook or take time away from my paper.

Also, I’m sorry I’m a basketcase 9 days out of 10.

Dear Glee,

How do you make Autotune feel so good?

Dear Running,

I am still waiting for you not to suck.

Dear Weather!

Thanks for holding out for so long into the fall. Although running sucks, I’m starting to get cranky when I can’t go, and I’m not quite sure how to run when it’s under 40 degrees outside yet, so thanks.

Dear Daylight Savings,


You are terrible.

Take a hint from Weather and help me out by not turning out the sun before I can get home and get my running clothes on.

Dear Andy,

I read one page of the book you sent me, and I instantly decided that I was not allowed to read another page until my required reading is done.

However, I did start watching No Reservations while I fold laundry, which is greatly improving the quality of my life.

So thanks for that πŸ™‚

Dear Internal Bodily Temperature Regulator,

Seriously, what is the deal. It can’t really be 2 degrees in every room I ever enter. Yesterday, I wore a long-sleeve shirt, a sweatshirt, thick socks, and a blanket, and it was 60 degrees out.

Are you broken?

Dear Tomorrow Night,

I can’t wait to meet up. It’s going to be you, me, How I Met Your Mother, and some mad Speed Reading Skills. I might invite a bottle of wine, if you don’t mind company. Oh, and maybe this pie. Get ready. I’m going to blow your mind.


2 Comments to “25 Small Letters”

  1. You will not be sorry if you try that pie. It is pure delight. You might be thinking about abandoning the Icy Hot Patch guy AND the Avett Brothers for it.

    Though Scott Avett is really sexy, especially in that video…

  2. Ha! Your small letter made my day! Thanks!

    Yeah, the book only gets better from there.

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