mind mayhem

Yesterday was the last day of my internship.

My last unpaid assignment: write up the flap copy for a book of Egyptian Myths. That is code for “Summarize Egyptian History in about 150 words.”

Fun! But the editors also took me out to lunch, and on my way out the door, handed me a Judy Moody tote bag full of brand new books and goodies. And since it was the last day of my internship, and my last day hanging out in Somerville, I picked up some overpriced treats and headed home.

Of course, because of this detour, I ended up on the super-crowded 5 p.m. trains. Carrying a bag stuffed with the lunch I packed but didn’t eat, Judy Moody, and carefully balancing a bakery box while I teetered and tottered on the Green Line.

And of course, all that unbalanced, weight-bearing standing gave me one of those obnoxious headaches that just don’t go away.

You know, the headache that starts in that spot between your neck and shoulder muscles, climbs up behind your ear, clamps down your jaw down tight, makes one side of your nose start to run for no reason, and makes you kind of dizzy, kind of nauseous.

Wait, you mean I’m the only person on the planet who has these bizarro symptoms?

You’re kidding me.

So I spent the night stricken, in bed, reading the same Brazen Careerist articles I’ve read two, three times before. The ones about how you can’t control your biological clock, how you can’t put off your family dreams to nurture your career, how it is impossible to balance life and career goals without letting something go… while alternately scowling at my Facebook newsfeed for rubbing engagements and weddings and it’s-a-boys in my face…

and then alternately remembering that I’m only 25 and my boyfriend will come in and kiss me goodnight as soon as I flip off the light and that many people would probably enjoy this life that I consider to be so miserable so often.

Emotional and physical sabotage, keeping myself from oh, packing for this trip to Michigan that begins tomorrow… or  packing up my apartment for a move that will occur less than a week after we are back to Boston.

And I’m sick right now, thinking about all that Lance has to do today. I don’t even want to get into details, but it involves visiting Southbridge, Lowell, Brockton, and Dedham, and the RMV.

And waiting for a package. Which, if you don’t live in Boston, let me tell YOU… this is probably the worst part of the day and will probably involve strings of expletives delivered to those who answer the phone at UPS and/or FedEx.

I just had to stop writing and call him, just now, because all this is freaking me out so much.

This also could have something to do with the fact that breakfast this morning was half a rootbeer float cupcake, 2 slices of sugary cinnamon raisin toast, a Doubleshot in a can, and 2 Excedrins.


At this point, I can’t even see past the next 5 minutes. What is going on? I’m going where? When? And I’m going to be in the car for how long? And I’m going to be in Michigan with my family with nothing to do for how many days? And I have to attend a costume party on Saturday and dress up like what??


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