black holes and revelations pt 2

Okay. Time for Part Two: The Dramatic Conclusion.

Only don’t go hoping for an actual conclusion here. Maybe in another week. Or, more likely, in August. Awesome.


I promise you that one month ago, I had nothing to do this summer, except take this class that I simply MUST TAKE under threat of death. Those who know me know that you really don’t have to threaten me to take a class. I’ll take it. Even if it costs me 3,600 big ones, I’ll give you my money. I just did, actually.

So, faced with the prospect of doing nothing but drag my bank account balance into the red all summer, I started applying for some stuff to do.

A few weeks later, I had an interview for a reference-desk-sitting position at my school library. Perfect. Just what I wanted. Start as a summer fill-in, get a regular weekend and evening shift for the fall semester. Something to make a little extra cash in the summer, and once my regular job resumed in the fall, it would fit neatly around that work schedule. I’d already thought about dropping down to two classes for the fall – what better to replace a class with than a job that looks good on the resume?

Of course, two weeks after I accept the position, my boss pulls some ridiculous Hail Mary Phonecall and WOW I can stay and work over the summer for twenty-hours a week! Isn’t that great?

That is great, actually. May and June will be rough, what with two jobs and a (hard) class, but the rest of the summer will be easy and sweet. My hours here are flexible, especially since there are no students left to require a regularly staffed desk, I like my boss and my responsibilities and it’s really no sweat off my back to be here.

And then I got a call from these guys.

Back when I had nothing to do over the summer, I applied for two internships. I was hastily dismissed from the first, which was not particularly surprising. Getting a callback from the second completely floored me. Internship. Editorial department. Two days a week.

I’m going in for an interview on Wednesday, and I am scared scared scared. Scared because I know nothing about publishing and the best I’m going to be able to offer is “I’m really excited to see if this is maybe something I might want to turn into a career!” Scared because my jobs up until this point can be classified as either Library-Related or Childcare-Related, and this reeks of Big-Girl-Professional-Careerist and, as I mentioned, I thought I was okay with not being that person.

So I’m scared that I will bomb the interview and blow this chance. And I’m also scared that I will get the position. And then I will have to be a Big-Girl-Professional-Careerist. Which I might not be good at.

And I’m scared to give anything up.

Which might be necessary, given the whole “24-hours in a day” phenomenon.

I thought I’d chosen a direction for my life, or at least a direction for the next year or so. Put my focus on class, my second focus on making a few extra bucks to stash away. This internship is the wrench. I have to quit a job or cut back hours or negotiate, or I have to do my homework on the T and stay up past 10 p.m. to do my homework and be prepared to take on a great deal of stress.

Either way, I have to man up.

Part of me hopes that I won’t get it, and I’ll go back to being okay with everything. Because another part of me knows that if I get it, I have to say yes, and have to see where this adventure might take me.


4 Responses to “black holes and revelations pt 2”

  1. Yes, take it and see where it takes you – what a great and different type of experience! It’s wonderful to have so many opportunities that you can pick and choose (maybe). I’m very interested in publishing but have no idea how it all works and probably won’t unless I rub elbows with someone in the biz…somehow…someday – it’s very interesting stuff and I think that right now is the perfect chance for you to try it out! If not…I mean, you’re going to a great school, you have loads of experience in the library field, you already pretty much have employers fighting over you… own that field. What can it hurt? And it’s Candlewick!!!

    How exciting!

    Don’t just listen to what I say, trust your intuition, above all. And good luck! You’ll blow them away, you know so much about books.

    • Candlewick is special, isn’t it? I don’t really know why I’ve always felt that way, but to be honest, I didn’t even know Houghton-Mifflin was in Boston, but I always knew Candlewick was here!

      Thanks for the words of encouragement! Interview today! Eek!


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