this post is brought to you by: calories

On Friday night I had a desperate desire to make it to the UPS facility 20 minutes out of town, unreachable by train, bus, or affordable taxicab. So Lance slogged through Friday traffic, picked me up, and we muscled our way out of town to retrieve my prodigal flip-flops before UPS shipped them back to Endless.com.

By the time we made it back into town, we were both starving.

Some wasted parking meter quarters, cash-only restaurants and two-hour waits later, we found ourselves in Brookline at American Craft, sitting at the bar and settling in for a forty-five minute wait with a drink. One of these:

On an empty stomach.

Which, combined with the exhilaration of being out on the town with my boyfriend who was still wearing his snazzy work suit, made me a little loopy.

Loopy enough to order another when we were finally seated.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this, but as of 2-16-2010, I’m not eating meat. Which is a barely noticeable lifestyle change most days of the week, but makes dining out a little strange. I get all giddy about spending money on food, whatever I want, a menu full of food! And then I remember “oh yeah, Jessica, you can’t eat anything on the menu anymore.” Even in this progressive, liberal, hippie state that I’m living in. At this particular institution, I was faced with three options:

1) a 16 dollar tofu steak

2) a 10 dollar veggie burger

3) some variation of fried appetizer

I’m drunk at this point, but able to decide on a veggie burger. Now, this may seem like a conciliation. Just because I don’t eat meat I get stuck with a lousy veggie burger?!? Vegetarian Secret: many restaurants make their own veggie burgers! And the permutations are really endless and surprising – a black bean burger that looks and tastes like that smoky grilled actual-meat burger, something with actual vegetables that you can see. Last week, at Burren in Somerville, Veggie Burger was code for Weird, Delicious, Corn Cake On A Bun With Peas In It!

The American Craft version was something squishy and filled with vegetables and with ketchup, mustard, lettuce, tomato, and herbed mayo and oh yeah, I’M DRUNK, it was delicious.

Our waiter was really weird and Lance swears he said he’d had two Original Sins during his shift and when he took my empty glass away he tipped the glass back and finished the two drops I left behind.

Okay, so now it’s close to 10 o’clock and we have one more stop before going home: Trader Joes.

You see, this progressive, liberal, hippie state of mine gives its students and teachers not one but TWO spring breaks (neither of which aligned with my private college spring break, natch). This week is Spring Break #2.

Boyfriend was going back to that conservative, midwestern, mitten-shaped state for a week, and leaving the next morning. So I asked kindly if said boyfriend would take me to the store to stock up on food for the week.

Keep in mind: I am drunk. And REALLY full of veggie burger.

So I buy the following food items:

– bag of Macintosh apples

– peanut butter

– two bottles of Charles Shaw

– two dozen eggs

– honey

– pizza dough (but no sauce… or cheese…)

– a really large bag of  TJ brand Pirate’s Booty

– hummus (but nothing with which to dip)

And now I am here, alone, during this long weekend, wondering how long this food will last, wondering why I finished that really large bag of TJ Pirate’s Booty in less than three days, wondering if I can muster up the energy to take a long walk down to Trader Joes to buy another bag so I don’t go hungry.

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