I woke up this morning and dropped my mercury thermometer on the wood floor.

There was a mess. Lance started sweeping, I coralled the cat. But when everything was clean – or so said my corrective-lense-free eyes – the cat was acting strangely interested in the thermometer crime scene. Sniffing, sniffing, sniffing.

At this point, Mr. 20-20 spotted a strange dark stain. Ms. Librarian Googled “How to clean mercury” and read, “Do not sweep mercury with a broom!

So this is how my morning was spent – trying to determine if I was still too sick for work, making sure my kitty found something to do rather than lick mercury off the floor and die, and wishing I knew what my temperature was.

Yesterday I was stricken with a strange sickness. A stomach thing, but not really in a terribly gross way. Just in a Everything-I-Eat-Eventually-Makes-Me-Writhe-In-Pain-Until-I-Fall-Asleep way. And a My-Body-Is-Really-Sore way. And a My-Head-Freaking-Hurts-Because-I-Keep-Falling-Asleep-On-The-Futon way.

But I had a fever. And since I work with an individual who takes immunosuppressants, that means I shouldn’t go to work. Man, everyone should work with someone on immunosuppressants. It really takes the guesswork out of things. And I skipped class. I was about to say this was my first skipped class of my graduate career, but that would be a lie. There was also The Great Apple Store Appointment of aught nine.

I did watch a great deal of MTV. So much so that I have now seen every new True Life I’d been missing out on (True Life: I’m At A Crossroads In My Relationship has a GREAT twist ending, btw), and FINALLY caught that Teen Mom special with Dr. Drew. Oh, Teen Mom. What a season, what a season. Caitlyn and Tyler, still sickening as usual in their teenage romantic perfection. Maci, still the most natural mother of the bunch, even though little Baynt-lay is stuck with the most immature Daddy. Amber still a bitch and Brandon still just a little too dumb to figure out she’s a bitch. Farrah still Farrah.

I slept a lot. So much that getting up at 6:30 actually felt kind of fun, even though I wasn’t sure if I was still sick or not.

What I didn’t do: Homework. I tried. I opened this picture and stared at it for awhile.

I opened a book and read something about animal characters in picturebooks, then looked at my syllabus.

And then I fell asleep again.

I decided to Take A Chance On Work, but stop at the Walgreens and buy a new thermometer on my way in. But there was a grocery store. And as I lay on my futon, all I could think about was soda. Fizzy, delicious soda that wasn’t Diet Dr. Pepper. Sick Soda. Most people get Ginger Ale for a sick drink when they’re kids. If you’re from Michigan, you get Vernors. For whatever reason, Snapple was having its heyday when I was at that Get Sick A Lot age, and my mother would buy really big glass bottles of Snapple – Raspberry, Peach, Lemon Iced Tea, the pink Kiwi Strawberry. So I wanted Snapple. Or a popsicle. And something other than Multigrain Water Crackers, which are good with cheese and hummus and other things, but alone with that sick, dry mouth is kind of like chewing on a big mouthful of woodchips.

So this is my lunch

When you are sick, you need orange food. Apparently.

And to tie up some loose ends,

Yes, my fever went away.

Yes, I got on the train for two stops only because it was cold outside and it felt weird to be standing up for too long.

and No, thermometers have not been made with ACTUAL mercury in quite some time, so my cat will be alive when I get home. I hope.

Thus ends the epic story of Jessica’s Sickness.

Thank you for letting me share a little bit of my life with you.

One Comment to “Sickness”

  1. Ack, hope you’re feeling better! I would have been having a heart attack over the thermometer. As I try vainly to pretend I’m not a worrier . . .

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