Love Letter 2010

Dear Lance,

Today is January 22nd, 2010, and I have bought you the lamest birthday/anniversary present imaginable. Really, I might as well have bought you a vacuum, except that we don’t have any carpet. And my lame gift giving is really a shame, since this is such an important day, for you, for us. You should have a diamond! A pearl! At least a new sweater or something.

Today, you are 25. Twenty-five! A quarter of a century! The first quarter of your life, even. Exciting!

(Although you should really stop getting into so many car accidents. I’m becoming concerned for your longevity).

And today, for us, we are 6. Which means we have occupied nearly a quarter of each other’s lives. But oh, how much longer it feels than a quarter. The previous year alone passed like a millenium. What was I doing in January of 2009? I really have no idea. That life, whatever it was, is gone.

If you’ll allow me to make sweeping judgements about your life, Lance, I will say that this year was about The Things You Did. Not that you hadn’t done anything before 2009, it just seemed to me that this year was about Doing and not about dreaming or planning or preparing, but just Doing.

You did School. (Or in the case of good old U of M Flint, School did you.)

You did School and Student Teaching and Music and Work all at the same time.

You did a Recital.

You did a Job Search, and found A Real, Live, Full-Time Job. With Benefits.

2009 was a trial by fire, a test of your manly fortitude, and now that you are 25, you have proved yourself and can relax and enjoy the spoils of your victory. Which amount to about 100 dollars a month, after the bills are paid.

A year of doing.

Which is why I’m having such trouble crafting this, this annual love letter to you, my love. A year ago, two years ago, I was 150 miles away from you with a lot of time to wax rhapsodic on our relationship. I was seeing you on some weekends, but spent the rest of the time alone. Lots of time to hope and dream and muse, and a lot of gaps in our relationship to fill in with my hopes and dreams and musings.

Little by little, 2009 changed that. I had much less time to muse and dream because I was Doing Things, like planning road trips and hunting for apartments and hunting for jobs and reading books and washing dishes and grocery shopping and any time I had to lay on my back, alone, in the quiet, was not usually a time I spent thinking about My Relationship – it was a time I spent thinking about grad schools and reading books and washing dishes and papers and grades and then falling asleep.

But like you were eventually rewarded with that enviable FULL! TIME! JOB! I was rewarded, too. We both were. The metaphysical “Lance” and the imagined nooks and crannies of our relationship are not always in my heart-of-hearts anymore, because the real Lance is in my home.

Which is so much better.

Instead of wishing, hoping, dreaming, imagining, worrying, fretting, waiting,

I am grocery shopping with you

I am paying the bills with you

I am reading books while you play piano

I am doing the dishes from your lunchbox

I am doing my schoolwork in the bedroom, hiding from you

I am coming and going from school and from work, always coming and going from you


In 2004 and 2005 and 2006 and 2007 and 2008 and 2009, we had a relationship together.

And now, we have a life

together.

Thank you for holding my hand and jumping, with me.

Love,

Jessica

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2 Responses to “Love Letter 2010”

  1. What a lovely post. Happy anniversary!

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