down or out

Got another paper back, an act just defeating enough to knock me out of service for the rest of the evening. I’m okay with not getting A’s, I really am. I just wish I would get progressively BETTER grades on these papers instead of worse. And that my professor would not leave me comments that add up to “You have solid ideas but absolutely no grasp of rhetoric or writing skill.” I mean, that would be a true statement, but it still knocks me out.

It reminds me of last Thursday. I had a rough morning. I was at work and decided that the only thing I wanted was Starbucks. Not the Java City in my building. I wanted Starbucks. Google Maps told me there was one a mere 6 minute walk from my school, but it was in a direction I never go. I had no evidence of its existence. I went anyway because my morning was that bad.

It was freezing last Thursday and I don’t have a coat here, so I just crossed my arms tightly and thought about how I should have brought my book to read while I walked and then some random street guy told me to smile.

And then I saw it. I was just so damn happy that it was close, it was THERE, that I would have a hot drink for the walk back. My adventure worked. First pumpkin spice latte of the year.

I thought about crying on Longwood Avenue.

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One Comment to “down or out”

  1. Mm I know the Starbucks cravings too well. Sometimes it’s about the comfort more than the coffee.

    When I’m soclose to crying in public, I always worry that I will just burst into tears and grab the nearest stranger, because I have trouble crying and NOT holding onto something for dear life.

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