don’t go to grad school

From August 17 to September 18, my Life Strategy went a little like this:

“Go with the flow. Try not to screw anything up. Replicate your former life when possible by incorporating old habits. Do your reading. Don’t spend any money. Try not to be a slob. Cook. Kiss your boyfriend. Don’t fall into the scary sidewalk-ditch by the basement apartment windows.”

Unfortunately, that had to change.

There is no time for DVDs from the library, for long walks to get ice cream. I can’t even walk to and from the train with my iPod. I have to read while walking, which is fun, but dangerous, and ups my chances of falling into that ditch.

From now until I feel comfortable, my new Life Strategy is:
“Do Your Schoolwork”

I’m hoping this is an adjustment issue and not a permanent problem, but I probably spent about 12 or 15 hours writing a 3 page paper this weekend. It wasn’t even a hard paper, really. Nothing like the one due in a few weeks! But it completely blew the time I’d allotted out of the water. And even though last week’s Monday class scared me into being better prepared for the next class, I was not, because I spent so much time on my paper. And now I’m behind for my other class. And even though I need to read 2 more books for class tomorrow, I still have to start working on my Monday class work TODAY so I don’t repeat this week’s paper debacle.

Instead of coming home and relaxing, making dinner, and kissing my boyfriend, I read books. And let him cook me dinner. And then perhaps griped that he should clean the apartment once in awhile since I’m so busy.

Instead of taking weekend trips in my convenient vehicle, I write papers.

Instead of blogging, I read. And write papers. And ignore the stacks of library books that have fallen onto my needs-t0-be-swept floor, ignore the cable and internet we are paying 80 dollars a month for, ignore ignore ignore.

It’s possible that in a few weeks, I’ll be in a rhythm, and I’ll figure out how to be more of a human.

Or maybe this is just how it’s going to be.

7 Comments to “don’t go to grad school”

  1. It will get better! Promise.

    • I’d believe it! I’m taking two lit classes this semester, so the reading load is near impossible. Once I’m in more LIS courses, things will hopefully be more manageable!

  2. Aw 😦 I bet you just need to get into your grad school groove. And then you can write a bestselling book called “How Jessica Got Her Grad School Groove Back”.

    Sending happy thoughts your way!

    • why thank you, I’m hoping for that as well. Of course, I doubt I will ever have time to write a bestselling book with all this crap to do… maybe when I’m 50? How Jessica Got Her Grad School Groove Back 30 years ago?

  3. Wow, you’re dedicated. I typically write 2 pages per hour on papers. I couldn’t get them all done otherwise. Maybe you’ll go easier on yourself once you start getting feedback on your work. You’ll adjust.

    • Yeah, I’ve been out of school for 2 years, so there was a lot of “Huh… I really don’t remember if this is what an academic paper is supposed to do!” going on, a lot of rewrites and changes and reworking of the thesis. I’m definitely out of practice.

  4. It’ll get better. I’m in year three of grad. school (and also moved across the country to go so I can relate to a lot of what you’re feeling). There’s a learning curve that goes along with a new school and program and you’ll find your rhythm and it will get better. Just don’t have twins while in grad. school (I just did) I don’t recommend that combination at all. Good luck and hang in there.

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