Archive for July 23rd, 2009

July 23, 2009

making myself cry in inappropriate settings

About a year ago, I must have been having a life-quandary. A What-Am-I-Doing-With-My-Life-Quandary.

Not surprising, eh? Lately I’ve felt relatively secure in my position on this planet, but this is unusual. Panic will succumb me again, and I will find myself Googling such phrases as “What To Do With My Life” and “Setting Life Goals,” and “Life Plan.”

But I do suggest you Google that last one.

A few entries down, you’ll stumble on a page entitled “Creating A Life Plan” posted by one of those inspirational, productive type guys named Michael Hyatt.

You are all busy people. I will link you to it then.

It’s nothing fancy, really.

First, you list the major people in your life – Family, Spouse, Friends, Colleagues, et cetera – and write a paragraph about how you hope they will remember you, either after your death or just when you’re older and maybe don’t see each other so much.

Next step is to list your “Life Accounts,” which is a fancy way of saying Priority List. Family, Friends, Career, Hobbies, Health, Money, Religion, et cetera. Put them in order of importance.

For each Account, you then make a Purpose Statement, an Envisioned Future, Current Reality, and Specific Committments to help you get from that current reality to your envisioned future.

Feel-goody nonsense, I know. But apparently I was feeling adrift at the time and tried to make one of my own.

I didn’t finish it, and forgot about it. But I unearthed it today while sifting through all of my various Word documents, and I can safely say that while reading through it,  I have never felt such pride in my own writing and capabilities.

I was shocked by how many of my Specific Committments that I’d actually stuck to. Not many, percentage-wise, but think about the last time you made one of those Lofty “I WILL DO THIS WITH MY LIFE” goals and think about how you’d stand up. If you achieved even one, you’d be proud, I think.

I will take a class at the gym this fall. I will work to eliminate high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated fats from my diet. I will start immunotherapy for my allergies. I will make an appointment with an ENT for my sinuses. I will move out of my parent’s house by September 2009. I will do what I can to remain financially independent. I will keep my belongings in my room and clean up after myself. I will let him know of my envisioned future, and talk to him about if that is what he envisions as well. I will work toward a situation where we can live close together before September 2009. I will commit myself to becoming a librarian and stop waffling. I will enroll in graduate school by September 2009. I will choose a handful of grad programs, and choose based on what kind of financial aid they offer me. I will find ways to utilize my strengths and interests in my current job to make it more enjoyable.

And I was touched by my sensitivity in regards to my relationships, the way I had such  positive, acheivable visions for my future. I didn’t know it was possible to read something I’d written myself and not immediately find flaws think how silly it was, think how I could write something better now.

I want them to think of me as someone who never let her talents go to waste, and someone who was grateful and appreciative of their support in my life. I would like them to remember my love and appreciation of their existence in my life. I would like them to want to know more about me, even after I am gone. I would like him to remember me as the love of his life, the woman who helped him achieve his dreams and brought him happiness and companionship. I would like him to think of how we met and how lucky we were to have so much time to spend together.

So even if you never finish it, or quickly forget it ever happened, you might chance upon it, and find that the simple act of thinking critically about your life for a few hours might nudge your brain in the right direction, and a year later, you’ll be proud.