the kind of blog nobody wants to read

I am finally feeling okay today. Monday was okay. Tuesday I could barely walk (thank YOU Jillian Michaels). Wednesday I could barely walk and I kept injuring myself due to lack of mobility. Thursday night I came home from work feeling like hell. Friday I woke up with a weird-migrainey feeling – Excedrin kicked the headache for most of the day but I was nauseous until I went to bed.

Woke up feeling fine.

Miracle.

I started the 30 Day Shred on Monday, but really failed at keeping it up. I think I’m well enough to go to the real gym today, as well as make my 20 minute date, and that makes me happy.

Discouraged about moving. Quarreling with my boyfriend about it. It’s not that I want to bitch and moan about it. I’m excited. I really am. But the excitement is buried DEEP under all of the obnoxious, painful details that need to be squared away, and there’s only so many of them I can handle at this time.

And the ones I can take care of? I’m hesitant.

I could sign up for classes now. But wouldn’t that mean I’d be billed at some point? Wouldnt that mean I’d have to set up my student loans? So I email the right people and they don’t really answer my questions. Which sucks, but I get an idea of what I’m up against. I complete my Loan Entrance Counselling. I’m put face to face with the scary idea that I’m going to be 50,000 dollars in debt, PLUS INTEREST.

That number covers tuition. Not books. Not rent. Not food, heat, parking, bus passes, water, cable. Just tuition.

I’m shaking in my gd boots.

I’m going to Boston in July with the boyfriend and my mother, to scout out apartments.

I need a hotel reservation. I need to make appointments to talk to the proper advisers to get my classes set up. I need to make sure the boyfriend can actually COME with us. I need to figure out how to look at least… I don’t know… three apartments that I can afford (aka dirt cheap) in a small space of time.

This is probably why I felt like crap for the past few days. My stomach is starting to ache even now just thinking about it. My parents bring it up and I leave the room. I bring it up with the boyfriend, and I’m either Worrying Too Much or Lecturing. There’s nothing I can do except stew, it looks like.

Or watch TV. Knocked back season 4 of Grey’s Anatomy this week and now have the latest How I Met Your Mother (YES!)

And I’m at work the majority of the time. Today is the 5th day running, tomorrow off, back for Monday and Tuesday. I know I work part time, but with a commute it adds up fast. I’m in the car. I’m at work. I’m asleep. I’m freaking out. Little time remains.

It’s not on my List of Summer Movies, but my family might take me to see Up. Tonight or tomorrow.

I will be here for 60 days. Then I will be gone.

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6 Comments to “the kind of blog nobody wants to read”

  1. im freaking out too, so reading this made me… not HAPPY, but… more understood. i HATE talking about moving and school, even though at times im kinda sorta excited. im just doubting the whole thing right now, and no one else gets it.

    • oh, I totally know what you mean. I am SO in denial, and wondering exactly how scared I would have to be before I could just totally back out. I haven’t actually PAID anyone anything (other than a 100 dollar deposit) or signed up for classes. I could change my mind…

      it sucks! i’m going through it big time. at least you have a place to live and people to pay for your school! that must be soothing 🙂

      • i think thats what makes it worse… i have tuition paid and a paying job lined up, and all ill have to pay is cost of living… and i STILL want to back out?! what’s wrong with me!!! it makes me feel stupid and childish. the worst part is i dont want to stay HERE either. i think if i could take my current job with me, id be fine. i have the strangest security blankets…

        • I love my job too. I wish it would follow me around wherever I go. I felt that way about my last job too, if it makes you feel any better. I was there for 3+ years! With time, you’ll find a new place!

          Will this following sentiment help?

          “I’m jealous that you will get to write so much next year and be awesome!”

          🙂

  2. Hey! This is really random, but a friend of mine recommended your blog to me. I, too, just got accepted into Simmons Library Science/Children’s Lit program, starting full time in the fall. I completely understand where you’re coming from about the debt, rent, and moving away in general. I moved up to Boston about two weeks ago, and so far – no crushing regret. Maybe it will wait till classes start and my first tuition bill comes in. If you have any questions, I’d be happy to share what little knowledge I’ve gained over the past few months dealing with Simmons admission and living in the city. I don’t know about you, but I’ve found dealing with this dual degree that spans two different colleges has been difficult.

    Good luck! I hope all the stupid, annoying details get sorted out very soon!

    – Elena
    nina1186@gmail.com

    • thanks for the comment, Elena! I just dropped you an email. I’m glad you chanced upon my blog! (People are recommending me? This is beyond my comprehension…)

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