Reason #1: It’s boring in my house
Lance had to leave last night. I’m looking at sheer loneliness for the next three or four days. I know, I have Things To Do, like cook for myself and clean up after myself, and start to pack things… and I DVR’ed three episodes of Sixteen and Pregnant, one new episode of Make It Or Break It and most of the first season of In Treatment… but woman cannot live on TV and chores alone!
I’ve been skipping the gym in favor of quality time with this lady
but I might have to go in, just to kill some hours.
Good thing Betsy’s coming home this weekend to entertain me.
Reason #2: I miss the ocean
One of my housekeeping duties this week is to diligently water my smallest sister’s vegetable patch. It was nice out on Sunday, so I decided to sit by the sprinkler and read a book.
It was nice.
It reminded me of being by the ocean.
Except, like… the poor man’s version of sitting by the ocean.
Reason #3: I miss my family
Twittorial Evidence they are having fun without me:
CarolineTackett: I’m up. Off to the beach later. Maybe. I hope.
CarolineTackett: My elbow is cold! And I’m watching In & Out with my family.
CarolineTackett: Enhancing my tan! My hands are all sparkly.
CarolineTackett: My mom just sang me a song about tweeting
CarolineTackett: @D_O_R_O_T_H_Y is sitting on me. What a horrible child!
CarolineTackett: Singing a song about taking pills and being sad for @D_O_R_O_T_H_Y
I know what you’re thinking: “Wow, Jessica, you must be really codependent because these tweets sound exactly like ones that would occur whether Caroline was on vacation without you or sitting next to you on the couch.”
Well, that’s how we Tackett’s do vacation! It’s Fun Family Time with 6 times the Goofy. Being trapped in a car for many hours of the day leads to lots of singing – singing along with a musical soundtrack, forcing Caroline and Dorothy to sing a two-part harmony folk song medley they sang, separately, in fourth grade, or making up our own. There are jokes to be had – last year, we made up some vacation-only slang, a few phrases to repeat and giggle about. The only one I can remember?
Growing a Lemon Tree – The act of peeing.
example: “Man, Jessica’s had so many refills on her Diet Coke, bet she’s gonna have to grow a lemon tree before we leave.”
or, more commonly,
“Hold on. I have to grow a lemon tree.”
Yeah, buddy. There is fun stuff going on and I’m missing out. Harumph.
Reason #4: I miss MooMoo
Three summers ago, I met a friend named MooMoo. He’s a flat, green frog that lives on the drainpipe on the side of my grandpa’s house. He was there for a few days – I stopped to say hi whenever I was going in or out – but then he disappeared. I was worried. I didn’t see him again.
Next year, I looked for him again. He wasn’t there. He was lost and gone forever.
Until one day, he was back!
And if you were paying attention to my sister’s tweets, MooMoo has returned once again! An old friend by now, we are always happy to see him.
This is the first summer that I will miss saying hi to him.
Reason #5: I won’t get to play Scrabble with my Grandpa.
As you may recall, I had a bit of a Facebook Lexulous problem recently. Although my opponents have dwindled to just Lance (and we aren’t quite as… uh… competitive as we once were), I was still eagerly anticipating the chance to play a little Real Live Scrabble with someone who plays enough Scrabble that they would understand all my Scrabble Jokes and also who I probably wouldn’t be able to beat.
My grandpa would be the only person I know to fit that description.
Reason #6: I won’t get to use my Grandpa’s credit card
Yeah, I’m a horrible person. I’m also a horribly broke person who looks forward to her vacation because her Incredibly Generous Grandparents insist she go out and buy a few nice things, as a gift.
Call me a greedy bastard, whatever.
Reason #7: I won’t get to try my best at getting the very-tiniest-bit tan
After enough terrible sunburns to win me a Most Likely To Contract Skin Cancer award, I’ve given up on any hardcore tanning efforts. It’s painful, dangerous, and not all that effective.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t like a little sun. Even compared to the rest of the world I’m white as a sheet…. *I* can tell when I’m lightly toasted brown, dammit!
And plus, then I can use all of my fun tanning products! When you are as ghostly white as I, you don’t dare touch a self-tanning product unless you already have a little toasty brown undercoat, otherwise you will become The Incredible Orange Streaked Woman, so yes, I usually go to the beach first before my tanning endeavors begin.
Bath and Body Works has the best stuff. I’ve accumulated a small collection:
You start with Glow and Steady. It’s an SPF 15 with a self-tanner. Helps your tan along so you get results faster and don’t accidentally fry yourself.
Once you’re at a comfortable tanning place, then you can move on to Strike Gold. It’s an self-tanner with a bronzer, so you can put it on when you’re not tanning and look all sparkly and sun-kissed. The one I have is just a bronzer and an SPF 30, so it’s better, but this one’s fun too. P.S. The palms of your hands will turn to gold, so beware!
After arriving home from your vacation, you can move on to the heavy stuff. Shade To Order has a clicky thing so you can choose how much self-tanner you want. It’s still a “Gradual Tan” product, so it mixes with lotion – less likely you’ll become the IOSW – but still hardcore.
I have all of these products, among others (like a bottle of Orange Glitter Spray to “Enhance your tan” but inevitably sprays all over your clothing and makes a mess) AND I CAN’T USE ANY OF THEM!
Reason #8: If I was on vacation, I wouldn’t have to go to work.
I’m supposed to maturing – growingup, growing an appreciation for Working, Developing My Work Ethic, all sorts of other nonsense my dad babbles at me from time to time.
I do have a good work ethic. When I’m AT work.
Lately, I’ve just wanted to NOT be at work. That’s all.
Work, I love you, but you’re bringing me down.
Reason #9: I would be eating seafood instead of Lean Cuisines
Reason #10: It’s boring at my house
Now excuse me, I just chugged a Rockstar and I really have to go grow a lemon tree.